I realized my nicotine induced rage has been on pretty high lately. 1 box a day. Now that says something. Even for me. Knowing that each stick puts me closer and closer to death. How my lungs could give out or be eroded by some cancerous disease.
I lately have been grinding my teeth while I’m asleep. Sore gums and even that tingling feeling of your gum being abused. I admit. I have anger management issues.
Dissatisfaction of life. Dissatisfaction as to how my life has been. There is always something that annoys me or causes me to have a sudden change of mood. Maybe I need help.
Here as I write this; while smoking of course; I hope to find that point of peace that I have in life. Perhaps when I am 6 feet dead would I be able to find the answers. I’m a lost cause indeed.
It doesn’t pay to be intelligent. In fact; people make you feel as if you intelligence is misplaced and you are worthless. Yup. People.
Yup. My ma’am at the working place has been calling me fat. I wonder why. It hurts deep inside. She laughs about it and smiles while calling me fat. That deep pain in your heart. When clearly you are trying your very best to lose weight. It hurts me. Really it does :(